I’m convinced, the Brazilian wax is the devil!.  LOL

It’s like that commercial about the sour gummy bears, first they’re sour then they’re sweet.

Waxing is like hell on earth, with goblins and orcs from the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit eating babies and ravaging people, with fire and destruction among us all!

Then all of a sudden you’re on an island in the Bahamas in a string bikini… ok, thong one piece, and next to you is Idris Elba passing you a Mai Tai and you got a wedding band on…..freakin heaven on earth!

It always makes me think of that episode on Girlfriends when Maya got her first wax and she left the island to get home to her husband!  It feels soooooooooooooo good.  I never knew how much of a difference it could be from just shaving but it’s different.

But my experiences have been few, 4 as a matter of fact.  The first and 3rd time were identical.

I go in the first time excited.  It was my birthday and I had just come from the GYN with a clean bill of health.  I don’t know who to ask for and I just pray I get someone who knows what they’re doing.  I go to the desk not knowing what to ask for all meek like I’m at an adult bookstore and praying that this wax doesn’t have an adverse effect on my skin and I wind up looking like a chemistry experiment or an advertisement for a STD (sexually transmitted disease) in the free clinic.

I get a random lady in a cute little smock with fitted black tights and a t-shirt.  She’s very sweet and assures me she will take good care of me.  I’m thinking, run, bitch run, they gone kill you back there.  They’re harvesting vaginas!  LOL

She tells me to take off my pants and lay on the table with my feet together, bare but ass naked from the waste down?!  Well damn, can we sit down and get to know each other first.  I mean, what’s your sign, I’m a Taurus and I like to eat out, watch movies, and cuddle.  What do you like to do hell?  Oh, excuse me, you do this all the time and my vagina is just another notch on your belt huh?  Wax whore.  LMAO

That wax, that wax!  It’s like a warm apple pie fell in your lap or like some of that his and hers KY jelly.  That’s the set up, they warm you up and then she says, “little sting” and rips that paper off with half my vagina on it!  Little sting my ass!  It was worse than a contraction from having my kids.  Each time she tore off that tape, it was a like another layer of dermis being ripped off indefinitely.  I thought for sure I would look down and my vagina would be white from all the skin being snatched off.  After my first time, I was literally shaking and couldn’t do anything but sit in my car staring off into space.  I remember just feeling woozy like I hadn’t eaten in a couple days like back in college when I was broke and waiting on the financial aid check to come in.  LOL!

It ain’t no joke.  Anyone that tells you waxing doesn’t hurt is your new arch nemesis and you should keep an eye on them.  Either that or the like that S & M type stuff cause it hurts.  You need to research and know what you want to do before you get there.  For example, you can get it all taken off, get a landing strip, or a cute little triangle.  There are options.  I also suggest you shave and after a week or 2 before your hair grows all the way back all thick go then.  You should not go and get waxed after you’ve just shaved.  The wax itself, I don’t know what to tell you.  I actually don’t know what kind or anything that they used.  I just know I didn’t get burned or break out in hives or anything.

Now, the first 2 times, I had the same lady and she didn’t tell me to do anything afterwards as far as skin maintenance other than not to take a hot shower for 24 hours.  My 2nd lady (I’ve only had 2 wax whores) she told me to use Tree Hut Sugar body scrub on my vaginis to keep the area from breaking out or a lot of those terrible, horrible, awful hairs from growing back in causing problems.

Just think about it….wax businesses are like hostels for vaginas like the movie.  YOU pay THEM to torture your vagina every 4 weeks.  That’s genius and I’m one of those damn animals like on the movie!  We should all have a hostel vagina tattoo to know whose in the club.  I recruited my beefie KT in the club last year.  She’s one of us too ladies!  Lmao

I will tell you, men LOVE waxed vagina!!  Sex is amazing.  The feeling is just heightened with the smoothness of your skin.  I feel so much sexier with a wax & my drive goes up too!!  It’s just a little bit of pain but for a whole lot of personal and partner pleasure!

I would love to hear your stories too.  Let me know if you have waxed before or why you haven’t.

🙂 Phee

Pic from hkfiles.wordpress.com.

Cartoon from luxedayspasoho.com.